Antenna is broke. Have requested Nadia assemble crew for repair. Communications

spotty at best. Need part but do not have in supplies. Outlook poor.

Left engine is broke. Some rumbling and shudder and we shifted off course. Naturally

a matter of semantics— do not have course per se, only direction

were going before and direction

we go now.

Quiet on board last few days. Suspect reality of leaving sinking in. Loneliness from soil,

sea, for many from brother, mother, &c. All suffused with regret, fear, loss &c.

How find grace here? Difficult question. On all minds if not lips. By this time Earth

not visible from viewfinder. All are unmoored, here in bucket of rusty salvation.

Many fear God not present. Uncertain myself.

Have taken liberty of preparing remarks to bolster community spirit

yet cannot work up courage to give them. At night lie awake

covered in sweat— fills mustache, sometimes get dizzy. Always

the feeling that these missives mean nothing. Folding and refolding

paper of notes to rouse rabble. Again putting it away. Uncertain.

Umm Hussain foot is broke. Caught in gear during antenna repair attempt. All

she said was sacrifice, sacrifice, over and over. Blood on the metal

to remind us of home. But then all around her others

moving to help— choreography— staunching— soothing— renewing repair.

And this too reminding of home. What we carry. What we don’t.

Just now we pass through some great strange cloud. I am overcome. Think to look up

in starchart but decide against. Instead take moment to bathe in wonder, awe,

love, &c. Feeling of possibility. This what ship offers, above everything.

This meaning of our choice to leave.

Second antenna repair attempt successful. Nadia made part from bits of wire, metal,

plastic cobbled from misc. objects. Feeling of great relief on board to hear

at last again voices of those left behind. Feeling perhaps of God once more.

Tomorrow, will speak to all. Courage now. Offer what I can. Yes.

How find grace. Yes. Like everything here.

Only exists

when we build it ourselves.


Fargo Tbakhi is a queer Palestinian performance artist, a Taurus, and a cool breeze. Find more at

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